If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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