He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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