I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
