Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
