He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
