Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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