im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
