I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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