before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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