is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
