i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She announced her abortion via fbk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was like eating out sand paper
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
