shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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