At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone