on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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