Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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(612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi

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(304): View more from West Virginia

just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.

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(304): just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter. http://tfl.nu/doob

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(845): View more from New York

Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.

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(845): Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name. http://tfl.nu/dkz5

Replies (27) Good night (6854) Bad night (793)
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(404): View more from Georgia

And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata

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(404): And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata http://tfl.nu/65h3

Replies (4) Good night (2315) Bad night (1385)
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(716): View more from New York

Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?

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(716): Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country? http://tfl.nu/yu48

Replies (7) Good night (3690) Bad night (1036)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.

(616): View more from Michigan

I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?

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(616): Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past. (616): I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures? http://tfl.nu/o51k

Replies (4) Good night (3091) Bad night (1530)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...

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(203): Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked... http://tfl.nu/yapw

Replies (3) Good night (1240) Bad night (772)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps

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(609): Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps http://tfl.nu/8xhn

Replies (5) Good night (2621) Bad night (643)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me

(815): View more from Illinois

I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs

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(507): You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me (815): I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs http://tfl.nu/bc51

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(518): View more from New York

And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window

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(518): And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window http://tfl.nu/vqxj

Replies (1) Good night (983) Bad night (470)
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(309): View more from Illinois

It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with

(847): View more from Illinois

Yes. It does.

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(309): It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with (847): Yes. It does. http://tfl.nu/cna3

Replies (4) Good night (992) Bad night (432)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever

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(919): I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever http://tfl.nu/et05

Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (899)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.

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(501): Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date. http://tfl.nu/kb0j

Replies (1) Good night (335) Bad night (628)
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(386): View more from Florida

Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.

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(386): Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican. http://tfl.nu/86lr

Replies (4) Good night (992) Bad night (371)
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(585): View more from New York

He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.

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(585): He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey. http://tfl.nu/ziwb

Replies (0) Good night (14) Bad night (36)

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