Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.