Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.