i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
