In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.