My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I enjoy the company of your penis