Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
