$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.