mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
