Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
