Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
