I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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