His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The air was thick with penises
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
