Are we in a gay sports bar?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
