Pappa wants mamma naked
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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