i just wanna soil my oats bro
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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