So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just crazy horny about you
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
