she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
