I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
