her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't turn off my feet"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm both gender and math confused
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
