She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
