What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer