I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.