A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.