FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived