The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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