They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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