I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
