you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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