I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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