i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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