nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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