I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
