seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize