so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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