You just made me feel so damn special
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
