I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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