This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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