Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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