my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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