My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
