that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
