What did we do last night that was yellow?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
