The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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