I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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