i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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