Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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