she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
