dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
