what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
