I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
