ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
