Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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