Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
