Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
