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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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