Fuck appropriateness.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
