I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
