Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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